Browse Professor Quotes

Semelparous means you shoot your wad then die
—Dr. Jones, Biology 2804: Ecology, (the real definition is you reproduce once in your lifetime then die, like annual and biennial plants)
Inertia is the Law of Universal Laziness
—Prof. Indebetouw, Physics 2205
My look at all the sleeping people out there, I hope you all fail the next test, I really do
—Jeremy Long, Physics Dept, on surveying the crowd during a lecture
Teacher: Only two things matter to you college students, alcohol and....
Two Students: Sex!
Teacher:...ok, three things matter to you college students, alcohol, sleep, and sex
—D. Adams, teacher Monday morning class why no one wanted to work.
Maybe I've gone too far up the abstract hill...
—Prof Stegeman, searching for a reason for all the blank faces in Econ 2005
When Rousseau mentions the sweet rewards of independent intercourse, he is not referring to masturbation.
—Prof. Forman-Barzilai PSCI 3016 Modern Political Theory
Or you give them to her because your are sorry she has to go out with you.
—Dr. Mary Lipscomb, Biol 1006, after a suggestion that you use flowers to give to girls.
Hey, nag me when it's 4:25, then I'll start blowing stuff up.
—Prof Glanville Chem 1074
What does this equation prove??? NO! Not the conservation of mass!!! It proves I did the bloody math right.
—Prof. Glanville Chem 1074
You take Bernoulli's balls, one in each hand, and you blow them like this...
—Prof. Indebetouw, Phys. 2205
Oh forget it, I cannot speak English.
—Phys 2205, Prof. Indebetouw
I was either sleeping or drunk when I made these notes last night. I can't remember which.
—Prof. Dorn explaining mistakes in overhead notes.
Here's a fundamental lesson I want you to take away from this course - don't buy ties out of catalogs.
—Professor Stegeman, imparting one of his many jewels of wisdom in Econ 2005
I don't know why they put me in a position of responsibility... it's a tragedy, really.
—Professor Stegeman, in a rare moment of clarity during Econ 2005
I know, I'm a pathetic individual!
—Professor Stegeman, Econ 2005
My shoe keeps coming untied, maybe I should just take it off. *proceeds to remove shoe, and throws it ALL THE WAY across the room, bouncing it off the wall on the opposite side, continues with lecture normally walking around with one shoe on and one shoe off* Have you ever tried to walk with just one shoe on? It's not very comfortable. *removes OTHER shoe, continues lecture, barefoot*
—Dr. Jones, Biology 2804
Mice can't eat deer!
—Dr. Jones, Biology 2804: Ecology, when explaining about diet width, and organisms being limited by physics
When you are junvenile, you are juicy and filled with great tissue to eat!
—Dr. Jones, Biology 2804: Ecology
If something is an asexual organism, it means what?....That it didn't have any fun!
—Dr. Jones, Biology 2804: Ecology
There are all kinds of ugly internal forces in there
—Prof. Indebetouw, Physics 2205 - when talking about a particularly difficult problem
If you find a discrepency in your calculations, you have screwed up somewhere
—Prof. Indebetouw, Physics 2205- explaining why student's answer may not agree with the book's answer
You can measure speed, using your Speed-O-Meter
—Prof. Indebetouw, Physics 2205, talking about ways to measure speed (yes, he said speed-o-meter, not spedometer...)
Mass is the amount of stuff in something
—Prof. Indebetouw, Physics 2205
What the Hell does that mean?!!
—Diff EQ: Prof. Prather yelling at some poor unsuspecting (and sleepy) student
OK Let's GO!!!!!
—Prof. Prather; Differential Equations... after almost every single sentence
When you swim with sharks you just have to swim faster than the slowest guy in the water.
—Profesor talking about the grading policy and the grade curve
Now I only smoke for educational purposes
—Professor Glanville, Chemistry 1704: Said before lighting up a cigarette and blowing liquid oxygen vapors from his mouth and making more fire!
If you're like me, you're crazy
—Professor Glanville, Chemistry 1704: Spoken before drinking an odd brew of chemicals.
Run Like Hell
—Professor Glanville - Chemistry 1704: Statement made by him before blowing something up.
Want me to tell you what he just said? He said 'Oh F***' Yeah, that's right, I can read lips.
—Prof. (Anonymous) EF 1015
Again, this is just the icing of the cake...
—Dr. Hix, CS professor
I could just tell you that I put that there to see if you were paying attention, so I will.
—Professor Prather, Multivariable Calculus, multiple mistakes in working problems out on the board.
Prof: What do you think of when I say 'college'?

Students' response: Alcohol!!
—Prof. Sargent, Comm 1024
RTFM!
—Barnett, CS professor
Check out the Love Monkey - cause we all need a 'study partner'!
—Dr. Love, professor of "extracurricular activities"
I don't want you to take notes in class!
—Professor Carl Prather, Multivariable Calculus
My opinion is the only one that counts.
—Leslie Neilan, Intro to Sci-Fi and Fantasy, English Dept
This man is having trouble deciding between this car and this car, which obviously means he's stupid!
—Professor Stegeman, talking about a slide explaining Economics
mmmKay...
—Barnett, CS Dept
A girl can be half-way in love but can't be half-way pregnant.
—Professor Dorn, Chemistry 1074: Chemistry for Engineers
Government is the root of all evil
—Prof. Stegeman in Econ 2005
One of the requirements for this project will be that you do NOT blow sh*t up.
—Dr Pickrell, describing a Materials Science group project.
Welcome to Hell, I'll be your tour guide
—W.D. McQuain, first day of CS1704 - Intro. to Datastructures
Oh youre late, here lets find a seat for you, Oh theres one right between those 2 girls, lets go meet them... your name is 'girl1' and you are 'girl2' and this is 'stupidguywhoislate'
—Tony, Theater Dept, greeting a late student
Are you even in my class?
—Tony, Theater Dept
You're WRONG, all of you are WRONG!
—Leslie Neilan, Intro to Sci-Fi and Fantasy, English Dept